This page is a bit different from the others. It is time to write about something that I have wanted to express for a long time. About five years ago, after finishing my Master’s, I felt the urge to start a project on the consequences of taking the birth control pill and what the hormones do to the body. My goal was to collect personal stories so that people considering the pill could access more information because the information provided in many doctor’s consulting offices just does not encompass the whole package you are subscribing to when taking the pill. As liberating as the concept of contraception sounds, the other side of this seemingly harmless, often pastel pink-colored pill is often kept in the dark. The usual sparse words from gynecologists mostly focus on how the pill makes contraception so easy – sometimes the higher risk of thrombosis is mentioned. “Positive side-effects” such as how the pill alleviates menstrual pain, “makes your breasts bigger,” and “clears your skin” are much more likely pointed out, while other important information about the role hormones play in your body and how the pill interferes with them are often obscured.
That was definitely the case for me when I was 15 and my gynecologist prescribed the pill without much hesitation. Many of my friends had similar experiences. Our doctors are under immense stress and probably also under economic pressure to sell. However, their job is to provide balanced information about the consequences of medications. But information about the pill usually focuses on its contraceptive effect. It is undeniable that the pill does a good job in this aspect. But contraception comes at a high cost, for some not only economically, but also for the body, mood, and overall well-being. Hormones regulate nutrient uptake, affect mood, and libido. For some women, certain birth control pills disrupt these processes. This other side of the coin is often not shown, precisely because experiences with the pill are very individual, but also because concrete research in this area is lacking. Although it has been on the market since 1960, the extent of the pill’s impact on well-being is still largely unknown, and long-term studies are rare. For example, a Danish study found that the pill negatively affected mood (Skovlund et al. 2016) and increased the risk of suicidal thoughts and attempts. Another study found similar effects (Gingnell et al. 2013). A stronger effect on mood was particularly noted with older generations of pills that contain ethinylestradiol (Mu et al., 2022). However, it is important to emphasize in all these studies that it is unclear to what extent the pill causes these risks, as the correlations found do not equal causation. In a TED talk, , psychologist Sarah E. Hill talks about how the pill changes our self-image and also about the effects on mood (which was also the case for me, as I recount in my pill story in the comment section).
She also emphasises that the effect of the pill is influenced by many factors. What type of pill is it? Which generation? But also individual health, medical history, and mental state influence the effect. When the pill is prescribed, these questions are often not asked, and possible consequences are not addressed. Therefore, it is important that we find other spaces to talk about the impact of the pill on female lives. Even though these are individual stories, these stories have changed the lives of many persons with ovaries and should not remain unheard. Maybe you also take the pill and do not feel centered, somehow not yourself anymore, have strange moods, have no desire for sex, or perceive feelings only very muted? Back then, I had no idea how drastically the pill was affecting my life. Only when I stopped taking it, did it feel like being pulled down from a cotton cloud that buffered my feelings—suddenly I felt so much more myself, more alive.
Even if this is just one individual’s experience with the pill, I want to share it with other women and people with ovaries in case they feel the same way and are clueless as to why, perhaps never considering the pill as a trigger or amplifier. Five years ago, I wanted to collect stories through an Instagram account. However, I would have been the central point for sharing the stories. Additionally, I doubted my expertise on this topic, and these doubts eventually won out.
Now, five years later, I think it is finally time to give this little project a new push. I am still not an expert on the pill, but I took it for eight years. Here, I gather personal experiences and conversations with girls, women, and people with ovaries. This is a different form of knowledge, more like “traditional wisdom.” This is why I hesitated at first to share this on the blog. On this page, I am taking off my “scientist” mask. But being a scientist should not stop me from talking about personal experiences and traditional wisdom and giving this topic some space on my blog.
I have no idea who will read this. But it is a topic we need to talk about more. The lives of many women and people with ovaries are shaped by taking the pill, often without realising the role it plays. Additionally, many men have no idea what is happening in the bodies of their partners, sisters, friends, daughters, or mothers. Contraception is left to them, as it seems to be a female responsibility not to get pregnant. But the fact that these individuals are under serious medication, and that the pill might impact their moods, thoughts and overall health far more than often realised, is neglected. We need more transparency and a fuller picture of what it means to take the pill. So let’s talk about the pill.
Here is my little forum, where stories about the pill are collected. If you have a pill story, too and feel like sharing, please feel free. What happened to the body while the pill was taken, or when you/your partner stopped taking it? In the first comment here, I am sharing my personal experience with the pill.
Last but not least, I want to say thanks to my dear Anna for giving me the emotional push to bring this topic back to life and out here. Your supportive words helped a lot to shut down the doubts—mille grazie <3. Also, if you are taking the pill, Sarah E. Hill points out in her article the importance of keeping a journal or sharing changes with close people who can keep an eye on you. That is all. Let’s learn from each other’s stories <3.
Here is my personal experience with the pill.
I had a completely different image of myself. An image full of self-doubt, insecurities and extreme mood swings. I cried so much in those years of taking the pill (the brand called AIDA) and thought this was normal in those teenage years. Now looking back, following the slowly appearing long-term studies, I am not so sure if this really only was puberty.
Apart from these outbursts, my emotions felt so buffered, and I experienced a severely muted perception of my feelings. All the highs were not as high, but also the lows were not so deep. I only realised once I stopped taking the pill how much more alive I felt, more like myself again, more centered. I do not want to exaggerate, but sometimes I see the pill as a little demon that took control over me during those years. I was not myself anymore. The pill really had a life-altering impact on me, and this is why it is so important for me to speak about this.
Dear Julia,
Thank you for taking the courage for discussing such an intimate matter. After our talk in the beautiful surroundings of Vigo I felt deeply puzzled about past experiences and emotions associated with taking the pill, which I had in my body for almost a decade. I fully agree that back then I felt that there were not many options and that it was the standard way to approach the contraception “problem”, even though it was deeply a medical choice with consequences. I would have loved to read your post back then and start paying attention to side effects that this choice caused. I also feel deeply uncomfortable with the fact that contraception is mostly left to women, “as it seems to be a female responsibility not to get pregnant.” I am currently more and more inclined to take up this discourse with my partner as I feel it is an equally shared responsibility, but if I would have been a young teen, this discussion would have been probably way more difficult.
In conclusion, I truly hope that women and girls reading this post will join our conversation and be inspired to take this discussion in their daily life!